Privacy-Friendly Alternatives to HER
If you are concerned about your privacy when using HER, you are not alone. Growing awareness of data collection, surveillance, and privacy erosion has led many users to seek alternatives that respect their personal information. HER has come under scrutiny for retaining data far longer than necessary for service provision and lack of transparency about data processing activities. This comprehensive guide explores 3 privacy-friendly alternatives that provide similar functionality without the same privacy trade-offs.
Why Consider Alternatives
The privacy concerns surrounding HER are well-documented. The platform collects extensive user data including behavioral patterns, device information, and interaction history. This data is used for targeted advertising, algorithmic content curation, and in some cases, shared with third parties or used for AI model training. While HER may argue that data collection improves the user experience, the reality is that users have little visibility into or control over how their data is processed, shared, and monetized.
The decision to switch away from HER should be based on your personal threat model, privacy priorities, and willingness to accept potential trade-offs in features or convenience. Not every alternative will be a perfect replacement, but many offer comparable functionality with significantly better privacy practices. Some alternatives are open source (allowing independent verification of privacy claims), self-hostable (giving you full control over your data), or designed from the ground up with privacy as a core principle.
Our Top Recommendations
Lex
Queer personal ads platform with privacy-first ethos. This alternative offers a meaningfully different approach to user privacy compared to HER. Key advantages include Queer focused, No tracking, Community driven. Considerations to keep in mind: Text based, No matching algorithm. When evaluating Lex as a replacement, consider your specific needs and how well they align with this alternative's strengths and limitations.
Alovoa
Open source dating inclusive of LGBTQ+ community. This alternative offers a meaningfully different approach to user privacy compared to HER. Key advantages include Open source, Free, No data harvesting. Considerations to keep in mind: Small user base, Less community features. When evaluating Alovoa as a replacement, consider your specific needs and how well they align with this alternative's strengths and limitations.
Slowly
Inclusive pen pal platform for building real connections. This alternative offers a meaningfully different approach to user privacy compared to HER. Key advantages include Inclusive community, Minimal data, Global reach. Considerations to keep in mind: Not dating specific, Slow format. When evaluating Slowly as a replacement, consider your specific needs and how well they align with this alternative's strengths and limitations.
Migration Guide
Switching from HER to a privacy-focused alternative requires planning. Start by exporting your data from HER — most services are required to provide data export functionality under GDPR, CCPA, and other privacy regulations. Review the exported data to understand what information HER has collected about you. Then set up your chosen alternative and import or recreate your essential data. Inform your contacts, collaborators, or audience about the switch. Finally, delete or deactivate your HER account once you have confirmed the transition is complete. A gradual migration, running both services in parallel for a period, can reduce disruption.
Evaluation Criteria
When choosing among these alternatives to HER, consider the following privacy-specific criteria. Is the service open source, allowing independent verification of its security and privacy claims? Has it been independently audited by reputable security firms? What is the company's business model — does it rely on advertising and data monetization, or does it have a sustainable model aligned with user privacy (subscriptions, donations, grants)? Where is the company incorporated, and what legal jurisdiction governs its operations? Does the company publish transparency reports? What is its track record regarding data breaches, government requests, and privacy controversies? Does the service support end-to-end encryption for data at rest and in transit? Can you self-host or run the service locally? These questions will help you identify the alternative that best matches your privacy needs and technical capabilities.
Verdict
The alternatives listed above demonstrate that privacy and functionality are not mutually exclusive. While HER may offer a polished experience backed by enormous resources, the privacy cost of using its services is significant and often underestimated. Each of the alternatives we have evaluated offers a meaningfully better approach to user privacy, whether through end-to-end encryption, open source transparency, self-hosting capabilities, or privacy-first business models. We encourage you to try one or more of these alternatives and experience the difference that privacy-respecting design makes. Your data belongs to you, and choosing tools that honor that principle is one of the most impactful decisions you can make for your digital well-being.